that was 4 nights off, just there?

Gah!

I can't believe it! I could swear it was only like two days, plus the day I called in sick...why is it that when you work nights your time off seems at least 50% less than it actually is--days always feel like days, but nights somehow shrink time.

I had been having some trouble getting to sleep for a few weeks. It seems I'd be up "late" reading until about 11:30 or so (read 6 am for those of you that live in the daytime and would like to imagine how late that would be for you.) I tried to get up early this weekend and go run some errands, but I did NOTHING. The whole weekend seemed to just slip by and I was either too tired, or it was too late to go do stuff.

It also sucks that in 162 days, more or less, (who's counting?) I'll be leaving for NYC and I will have barely seen my hubby and pooch all this year--while I've decided to try to be more positive and less bitter about being in New York (I swear...I will) I think it's going to be super hard being away from home, which only makes me sad and bitter about being in New York.

I was thinking that somehow, when it gets really bad, I can always think back and say "Hey, at least I'm not cleaning shit in the middle of the night, or getting yelled at by my nursing supervisor." This should help.

I'm thinking a lot lately about how many times I've left home. I left for Los Angeles when I decided to get my first Bachelor's degree. Then I left for Italy when I decided that spending a year in Italy was preferable to spending it in Los Angeles :D Then, New York. It's funny how much I love San Francisco yet I can't seem to do anything here. Why is it that other people (so many other people) can come out here and go to school, and then they never leave...why can't I seem to go to school here? I guess it's because the education I'm seeking is better elsewhere. Berkeley was the only architecture school nearby, and they only offered a B.S. in Architecture; I have a B. Arch (5 year degree which allowed me to sit for the exams without going for a master's degree like the BS would have.) This time, the only Nurse Anesthesia school around is Samuel Merritt and they take about a dozen students per year, and with much experience. I think about my friend, and her friend (the associate director of that program) and how much they disapproved of me doing what I'm doing...I'd almost certainly be guaranteed to NOT get in. Why bother applying?

So, I'm sitting up, late at night, thinking a lot about what New York was like. Was it really that bad? (yes...I think I remember it being pretty bad.) But, like most bad memories, we don't store them, so I've thankfully forgotten just how bad it was, and this enables me to even think about going back.

This time, it looks like I'll get into a studio apartment, and this will have a kitchen and my own bathroom. The thing that sucks is the elevators are always breaking down. The rule for living in an old building, or going to classes in an old building:

1)Make sure you always pee first, before getting in the elevator (because, you never know when you're going to be stuck for two hours when the elevator breaks. This happened to friends of mine.)

2) Make sure you always have something to do, or read in the elevator when you get on...never travel empty handed because that's when you'll get stuck and die of boredom.

3) Always carry a flashlight...you never know when the power will go out in NYC and leave you in the dark, and for this reason...

4) Always make sure your cell phone is charged.

5) carry a snack, because there's never anything good to eat anywhere nearby and, again, you may be stuck in the elevator for a while.

I'm hoping I don't jinx myself, as last year I never got stuck but it was close a couple of times...just after I had used it, it stalled for 45 minutes and some friends of mine were late to class.

New York. So inconvenient.
162 days...I miss home already :(