They say...

They say it's always darkest before the dawn.
I guess I should know this, intuitively, since I see the sun come up every day.

It is darkest, then it's miserable and grey, everything a spooky, undefined, outline, bleek, black and blacker, shadows and outlines, giving way to blue, then some drab colors.

Then it's blinding. The sun piercing your head like a spear. Your eyes ache with the blinding sharp light.

I tried to call UCSF to talk to them about talking to my nurse manager/nursing supervisor. Instead of getting a call-back, I got an email saying basically "fuck off"

It went something like this:

Lisa,

Our administrative assistant told me that you called today; again expressing concern regarding our contacting your current employer. I am concerned about your persistent hesitancy regarding this matter. It is standard procedure for UCSF to contact an employer to obtain any current information about a job applicant within labor law guidelines.

Your ongoing concerns have led me to believe that perhaps this is not a good time for us to pursue potential hiring for the Critical Care Training Program.

I wish you the best with your future nursing career pursuits.



Best Wishes,

So, I guess it's a common thing to have someone call your current employer and let them know you're trying to find another job BEFORE making you an offer?

They're making me feel like I'm wrong about this--but I've NEVER been in such a rock/hard place before.

On the one hand, I'd love to go to UCSF...especially their cardiac ICU. It's the sort of environment I'd thrive in...but I've never had someone want to talk to my BOSS before offering me the job!

Yowza.

So, now I'm looking at my options.
Honestly, it doesn't look good.
I think I'm just going to have to quit my current job, and then start looking around, I guess. Seton Hospital (near my house) would be good, and Stanford has a couple of good training programs.

I'm so low tonight, I just can't even stand it.
To make matters worse, it's my one day off in six days, and I'm on a handful of hour's sleep...I can't get a break and get a damned 8 hours sleep at once for anything.

Go back to Columbia?
try to find another job for a year and chance getting into another program?
Stanford has an OR nurse training...that might be fun, but it's not truely what I want to be doing.

No ideas.
Nothing but waiting for the piercing bright light to get rid of the blackness.
I'm tired of all this.
I really am.