Nothing intelligent to say tonight

(like THAT'S gonna stop me)

I'm off for three nights and I've got so much to do, yet I'm totatlly unmotivated to do any of it.

When I first started working nights, I did so much on my nights off, just to stay awake, I suppose. I baked so much that it must have been like being married to a Keebler elf...every day, scones, cookies, bread, you name it. I've lost motivation to mess up the kitchen, or perhaps it's not winter and I don't feel the need to stand next to the warm oven as I once did. I should be at the very least, studying my critical care stuff--again, unmotivated.

I've come to grips about a couple of very close friendships that came to a screeching halt--Jean, over 25 years of big-sistering me, who suddenly pulled her support away and (reading my old blog) was planning well-timed emails when my self-doubt was highest ("you're not ready, you're going to fuck up" etc)Although, I probably will patch things up with her, once I finish the anesthesia thing and can prove myself to her. I dunno, should you have to prove yourself to your friends?

Then there's Steve, with whom I was having Thursday morning coffee, who suddenly went a little emotionally haywire. Some of it may be that he was once my physics professor, but most of it, I think, is the state of his marriage, currently (Hiroshima, anyone?) I can understand when someone has stuff going on in their lives, but whatever--it's like being aboard a sinking ship; sometimes the only thing you can do is swim away as fast as you can, because otherwise, you'll just get pulled down with the force of its sinking.

I can hear my bro, Dave, yelling "Paddle!paddle!paddle!paddle!" at me here.

Dave is another one, he happened to chime in at one of the worst possible times for me, and I snapped back at him and though he said it was not a big deal, I bet I've hurt our friendship, too--it was a really bad month last month. Now he's moving to So Cal and I'll probably never see him again, which blows.

Anyway, one thing I should really do is back up what I need from this laptop and reformat the drive--I don't know what the hell glitch/virus/worm/corruption I have going on, but this shit ain't swingin' it anymore and it's got to be resolved by the time I go back to New York--what a pain.

So, if it's a while before I update anything here, you'll know my reformatting attempts were failures.