Relapse

So much for the positive spin--this one's gonna sting.

I am usually off Monday nights, so, when I worked the weekend, I didn't call in sick despite the broken back, because I was thinking "it's just one more day, see how it goes, then you have a day off...just get thru it."

I haven't slept because my back hurts so bad--why? you ask...because I work at a hospital where the nurses are shortstaffed, there's no extra help (no PRN nurse) and we have one orderly to share throughout the whole hospital and when you page him, he doesn't come (usually because he's fast asleep in the OR.) So, I wrench my back bathing and turning patients by myself.

So, last night, when I fell aslepp out of complete exhaustion, at around 10 pm, because I've slept about two hours each night for the last week, imagine my surprise when the nursing supervisor called me to ask where I was.

Apparently, my schedule has been changed, and I didn't know it/notice it, whatever (my fault for assuming) and I shook off the fatigue, the pain, and went to work.

Andrea (you'll remember her...she's the one that's about to quit, so she's using up her sick leave before going off to get married and have vacation for a month) has called in sick for two nights in a row, so the odds of finding someone to replace BOTH of us was nil.

ANYWAY....I'm off tonight.
And though I thought I saw that I was off tomorrow night too, my photocopy of the schedule says I work (so this means my charge nurse posted it, then changed it after I made my copy--still...she'll say that's my fault)

It's an interesting dichotomy to work somewhere where they're so damned hard up for you, they hate you, yet they can't fire you because they can't replace you any time soon...

This has been one of the worst years of my life. Seriously. I think I had to travel into the bowels of hell in order to truely appreciate coming out the other side in two years with an MSN in anesthesia. I understand that it's going to be an ass-kicker; very demanding, and it might kill me...it's the ultimate challenge and on TOP of how hard it is normally, I have to cram two extra courses on top of my heavy load when I get back for the next two semesters, the classes I'm missing now.

Still, I'll be thinking back to this year: the broken back, the dirty disgusting work, the shit, the C-diff, the obtunded or sedated patients, the psych patients, the jail patients in shackles, the shitty attitude I get from the day staff for whatever I happened to do wrong, not be able to do, or not be able to answer, will all serve to motivate me during those tough times up ahead.

At least I have this year to think about and say "at least I'm not THERE, doing THAT."

Though I bitched about it, I really miss school--at least there's a payoff at the end of it, and this (I swear!!) is the last round of education for me.

Unless, I pursue that PhD.
Dr. Lisa...
Hah.
No.