Cancercancercancercancercancercancercancer...

it's all you hear, in your head.

You pull the covers over your head and say "fuck you! I need some SLEEP! Let me SLEEP!!!" but all you hear is '...cancercancercancercancercancercancer...'

You think you've made up your mind, based on something you've read, either for or against treatments, and then a few hours go by and you're leaning the other way.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of it already and it's been two days.

I wish this were a bad dream. This isn't how I wanted to go--not that anyone does want to go this way, but especially, having seen it first hand, it's not what I want to go through, nor what I want George to go through.

I have an appointment at UCSF friday--we'll see what they say, though I don't suspect they'll be "anti-treatment"