Well, so far it's been an interesting ride.
I was having a problem with my upstairs neighbor/wrestler/pro-bowler who was running around, crashing into things and so forth bdtween midnight and 6 am. The other night, I didn't get to sleep til 5:30 am, having to call the campus security people twice. I wrote an email to the campus housing coordinator and got a reply back that they wanted to talk to me, so I went in (rather than edit my paper, due that morning) and met with the director of student housing and the coordinator.
They were very sympathetic and nice, and the director said at the end "I'm going to personally go over there and have a talk with them" and they also posted, slid under the door, and mailed notices warning them that they were in violation of the housing contract, etc. Well, whatever she said, it worked. I slept like a baby that night and last night. Though I can still hear someone walking around, it's normal, not loud crashes and bangs and running around like an imbecile at 4:30 am.
Needless to say, my grades have suffered.
I did pretty badly on a test, though, it was mostly because it snuck up on me and I didn't know about it. Though I had been studying, there was not the level of pre-test study that would have normally gone on, so I did very badly.
Another problem I'm having is that I don't know how to write a scholarly paper.
I've received back an assignment and basically they minced it all up...as if I had been a 5 year old and tried to write something.
Partly, this was my fault for trusting the professor when she said it was just an opinion paper about an article we read. So, I found a news article regarding San Francisco's "Healthy SF" initiative, and how Kaiser hospital has just joined, and how great this is.
I got back something that basically said my paper had nothing to do with the article I ahd included. What the...
So, I have to step it up several notches. Lisa doesn't know the meaning of quit.
I'm off today to spend the day at a study cubicle of the library in preparation for my next Advanced Pharmacology exam, and to read about a thousand pages of journal articles that were assigned reading for Genetics and Health and Social Policy classes.
Outside, it's muggy. Overcast and hot--it will likely rain again today.
Only a few weeks now 'til I'm done and can go home!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
was it a dream?
Here I am, back in New York. A terrible flight home (more than 3 hours delayed) and an ok flight back, though both were middle seats and I hate those. I guess it's better than the window, though.
I've only been back about half an hour and already I miss George and Rutger so much I want to cry. It didn't seem this bad the first time I came (two weeks ago) but now, maybe because the novelty's worn off, I really just want to be done with this semester and go home for a long while.
My driver, Jose, asked me for advice regarding a friend who had had brain surgery and 4 or 5 days post op had a stroke...what can you say to that? I think people latch on to the fact that you're in health care and just have questions, you know.
I did lots of reading both at home and on the plane, but I bet it wasn't enough. I still don't feel buried but I guess that will come soon enough...tomorrow I have my 8 hour day and then tuesday is my friday. Then I'll hit the bricks running and knock out a few more assignments and so forth.
We have a great big group project/presentation and we chose emergency contraception as a topic...I hate group projects, I hope these guys are good at writing papers because I feel like my skills have waned considerably.
Ah well. Tomorrow is Monday.
It's hot and muggy in New York, but that's a given.
I miss home, too.
But, that's a given, too.
I've only been back about half an hour and already I miss George and Rutger so much I want to cry. It didn't seem this bad the first time I came (two weeks ago) but now, maybe because the novelty's worn off, I really just want to be done with this semester and go home for a long while.
My driver, Jose, asked me for advice regarding a friend who had had brain surgery and 4 or 5 days post op had a stroke...what can you say to that? I think people latch on to the fact that you're in health care and just have questions, you know.
I did lots of reading both at home and on the plane, but I bet it wasn't enough. I still don't feel buried but I guess that will come soon enough...tomorrow I have my 8 hour day and then tuesday is my friday. Then I'll hit the bricks running and knock out a few more assignments and so forth.
We have a great big group project/presentation and we chose emergency contraception as a topic...I hate group projects, I hope these guys are good at writing papers because I feel like my skills have waned considerably.
Ah well. Tomorrow is Monday.
It's hot and muggy in New York, but that's a given.
I miss home, too.
But, that's a given, too.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Uh oh
So, I flew home yesterday.
I spent $700 on one of the last few seats left on a flight direct from JFK to SFO. I called my driver, Jose, and he said it was no problem to pick me up at 6 am, in front of my dorm.
The night before, I was in class. Mondays, my day is 8 solid hours of sitting in lecture, staring at powerpoint slides, as Pink Floyd said "ticking away the moments that make up the dull day..."
I went home, made flashcards of my pharmacology lecture, and had a little dinner. I took breaks to pack my bags (not much packing, really...just text books, and flash cards, and my laptop)
When 3 am rolled around, I knew I had to get some rest, but I was so worried that I would oversleep and miss Jose and my flight. I realized that though I had been there nearly 2 weeks, I had not yet used my alarm clock, a mild-mannered, weak little "tweet-tweet" sort of alarm. I set my phone alarms (all 5 or 6 of them) to buzz and ring as loud as I could make them, and I set the phone under my pillow. I drank a liter of water, ensuring I'd wake up at least a couple times,a nd I slept with the window shade all the way up--hoping light might wake me.
Between the ambulances baking up and the sirens, the thunderstorm that rolled through (WTF?) and my worry, I didn't get more than 20 minutes sleep.
Jose was on time, there was no traffic, and I was waiting at my gate with an hour to spare, relaxedly sipping coffee and having a blueberry scone (all bad carbs)
As soon as we get seated on the plane, the pilot's voice tells us there's a storm ahead of us, and all flights in New York have been grounded. Over the next 3 hours, they came over the intercom to tell us that flight had resumed, only to tell us they had re-halted take offs.
Finally, in the air, with a 6 hour flight in front of me, and a middle row seat, I made the most of it--I read my homework until my eyes gave out, then I napped for 15 minutes, then I started over.
I did all my genetics reading on that 9 hour flight.
I went to the bathroom, however, and discovered I had gotten what looked like my period. GREAT. I haven't had one since December of last year...and NOW??? I have to get one NOW???
So, I started to worry that the tamoxifen I have been taking every other day to start out with did some ovary stimulating (as 10 mg/day seem to do according to my drug book) and when I got home I took another 20 mg pill, though I had taken one the day before. So, now I'm taking it daily as they had intended, and I hope it won't make me sick. I only took it every other day for a little over a week, as my oncologist had recommended starting it.
So, with the delay, I was certain I would miss my dentist's appointment. When we got our first notice of delay, I called the office and let them know I was grounded, and they managed to switch my appointment with someone at 4. At the airport, George met me with my premedication (Amoxicillin mega dose for my Ventricular Septal Defect--to prevent endocarditis from having dental work done...my life sucks)
My dentist takes a look at it and agrees he's glad I came home to have him do the tooth, because now he knows what's under the filling. He said he thought I'd eventually need a crown in a year or so, but that he'd try to do a filling. I love this guy...I'm still walking around with a filling from when I was 16 yeras old, and my old dentist said I needed a root canal, but said, let's try this first, and put something into my tooth to numb it, put a temp filling in and let me walk around with it for a while, then filled it.
I ended up having that filling replaced (it was amalgam) and this dentist (who bought out the practice of my old dentist) said it was barely any tooth...all filling, and that he thought it was amazing it didn't end up needing a root canal. So, that filling has been with me (in two different forms) for 34 years already. I told him I bet the filling he did yesterday would last longer than he thinks it will.
I have to go back today and have another filling put in on the other side (I don't want to take a chance and break another tooth!)
These stupid cavities, I get because I go a long while between flossing--when iwas in ETP, I think I might have flossed 4 times. I get a small cavity between teeth and it goes unnoticed until I'm eating popcorn. I knew about these two, and was going to have them filled a month ago but then Rutger had his seizure and I had to cancel my appointment. I never got it rescheduled so I was planning on coming back in August to do it...little did I know I'd break a tooth and find myself back here emergency-style.
I spent $700 on one of the last few seats left on a flight direct from JFK to SFO. I called my driver, Jose, and he said it was no problem to pick me up at 6 am, in front of my dorm.
The night before, I was in class. Mondays, my day is 8 solid hours of sitting in lecture, staring at powerpoint slides, as Pink Floyd said "ticking away the moments that make up the dull day..."
I went home, made flashcards of my pharmacology lecture, and had a little dinner. I took breaks to pack my bags (not much packing, really...just text books, and flash cards, and my laptop)
When 3 am rolled around, I knew I had to get some rest, but I was so worried that I would oversleep and miss Jose and my flight. I realized that though I had been there nearly 2 weeks, I had not yet used my alarm clock, a mild-mannered, weak little "tweet-tweet" sort of alarm. I set my phone alarms (all 5 or 6 of them) to buzz and ring as loud as I could make them, and I set the phone under my pillow. I drank a liter of water, ensuring I'd wake up at least a couple times,a nd I slept with the window shade all the way up--hoping light might wake me.
Between the ambulances baking up and the sirens, the thunderstorm that rolled through (WTF?) and my worry, I didn't get more than 20 minutes sleep.
Jose was on time, there was no traffic, and I was waiting at my gate with an hour to spare, relaxedly sipping coffee and having a blueberry scone (all bad carbs)
As soon as we get seated on the plane, the pilot's voice tells us there's a storm ahead of us, and all flights in New York have been grounded. Over the next 3 hours, they came over the intercom to tell us that flight had resumed, only to tell us they had re-halted take offs.
Finally, in the air, with a 6 hour flight in front of me, and a middle row seat, I made the most of it--I read my homework until my eyes gave out, then I napped for 15 minutes, then I started over.
I did all my genetics reading on that 9 hour flight.
I went to the bathroom, however, and discovered I had gotten what looked like my period. GREAT. I haven't had one since December of last year...and NOW??? I have to get one NOW???
So, I started to worry that the tamoxifen I have been taking every other day to start out with did some ovary stimulating (as 10 mg/day seem to do according to my drug book) and when I got home I took another 20 mg pill, though I had taken one the day before. So, now I'm taking it daily as they had intended, and I hope it won't make me sick. I only took it every other day for a little over a week, as my oncologist had recommended starting it.
So, with the delay, I was certain I would miss my dentist's appointment. When we got our first notice of delay, I called the office and let them know I was grounded, and they managed to switch my appointment with someone at 4. At the airport, George met me with my premedication (Amoxicillin mega dose for my Ventricular Septal Defect--to prevent endocarditis from having dental work done...my life sucks)
My dentist takes a look at it and agrees he's glad I came home to have him do the tooth, because now he knows what's under the filling. He said he thought I'd eventually need a crown in a year or so, but that he'd try to do a filling. I love this guy...I'm still walking around with a filling from when I was 16 yeras old, and my old dentist said I needed a root canal, but said, let's try this first, and put something into my tooth to numb it, put a temp filling in and let me walk around with it for a while, then filled it.
I ended up having that filling replaced (it was amalgam) and this dentist (who bought out the practice of my old dentist) said it was barely any tooth...all filling, and that he thought it was amazing it didn't end up needing a root canal. So, that filling has been with me (in two different forms) for 34 years already. I told him I bet the filling he did yesterday would last longer than he thinks it will.
I have to go back today and have another filling put in on the other side (I don't want to take a chance and break another tooth!)
These stupid cavities, I get because I go a long while between flossing--when iwas in ETP, I think I might have flossed 4 times. I get a small cavity between teeth and it goes unnoticed until I'm eating popcorn. I knew about these two, and was going to have them filled a month ago but then Rutger had his seizure and I had to cancel my appointment. I never got it rescheduled so I was planning on coming back in August to do it...little did I know I'd break a tooth and find myself back here emergency-style.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Not so lucky me...
So, I've been doing great in my school work, academically, but I'm not the most lucky of people.
I was chillin' last night, watching an episode of "I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here" online and eating popcorn, when I broke a tooth. I guess I underestimated when the dentist said I had two cavities how bad they were.
So, it doesn't hurt, but I am worried about going to see a dentist here in New York--I've had issues with my VSD (ventricular septal defect) so they make me premedicate with a handfull of amoxicillin, and I have a low blood pressure and I'm usually tachycardic at baseline, so most dentists use Epinephrine in the shot they give you with the novocaine, because it speeds up the absorption, cutting down on your time in the chair, and making them able to move more people through the chair in one day. I can't have the Epi since it makes me so tachycardic that I pass out (no blood perfusion to the brain and I get short of breath, etc)
So, I called my dentist at home, and several other people...my friend Rebecca to ask if she's got a dentist, and the school's emergency health center.
My dentist told me going to an ER won't do it because they'll treat the pain, not fix the problem--so that's out.
So I booked a flight to SFO for tuesday. I have to miss my health and social policies class (and we've got a big group project happening, not good) so I'm sure I will be hurt by going home, but what can I do? I can't wait for it to get impacted or infected.
For now, I am not having any pain and I'm eating soft foods and rinsing with salt water...
Why me?
I was chillin' last night, watching an episode of "I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here" online and eating popcorn, when I broke a tooth. I guess I underestimated when the dentist said I had two cavities how bad they were.
So, it doesn't hurt, but I am worried about going to see a dentist here in New York--I've had issues with my VSD (ventricular septal defect) so they make me premedicate with a handfull of amoxicillin, and I have a low blood pressure and I'm usually tachycardic at baseline, so most dentists use Epinephrine in the shot they give you with the novocaine, because it speeds up the absorption, cutting down on your time in the chair, and making them able to move more people through the chair in one day. I can't have the Epi since it makes me so tachycardic that I pass out (no blood perfusion to the brain and I get short of breath, etc)
So, I called my dentist at home, and several other people...my friend Rebecca to ask if she's got a dentist, and the school's emergency health center.
My dentist told me going to an ER won't do it because they'll treat the pain, not fix the problem--so that's out.
So I booked a flight to SFO for tuesday. I have to miss my health and social policies class (and we've got a big group project happening, not good) so I'm sure I will be hurt by going home, but what can I do? I can't wait for it to get impacted or infected.
For now, I am not having any pain and I'm eating soft foods and rinsing with salt water...
Why me?
Monday, June 1, 2009
First day of school
This is the view from my window right now--it's 10:00, it looks hot outside, but at least the traffic is light.
As bad as last year was, I thought nothing could be worse--yet somehow, I'm scared of going back to school. Possibly intimidation from knowing these are some heavy courses I'm taking (Medical Genetics, Advanced Pharmacology, and Health and Social Policy.) I've got two days of classes, and Mondays will be my "long day" (classes starting at 1:00 and ending at 8:00 pm without a break for dinner.
I have to go straighten out my registration issues--Friday they confiscated my old ID badge and wouldn't give me a new one until I register. I can't register without the dean of anesthesia signing off on an add/drop slip for me, and I have to go down there and face her (she's a scary dragon) and get my form. Then it will likely be a day of walking around, from building to building, back and forth trying to find the right department and red tape and hoops to jump through.
New York, and specifically, Columbia University, is unlike anything I've ever experienced before.
But I'm here, and I'm alive, so I can't be sad about that (as much as I could be miserable, hating it here, and missing George and Rutger, like the first time around. Somehow, last year's experiences have hardened me--at least it's not cancer, I keep saying to myself.
Still, it's the gepographical equivalent of cancer--New York.
:)
Ok, I had to get one shot at New York in there, somewhere
Monday, May 18, 2009
Through the fire
I'm coming back after a long absence.
I've been writing about the cancer on my tumblr blog, I guess I didn't want to mingle the two worlds, cancer and my normal life.
I'm now less than 10 days away from returning to school. I can't lie and say I'm not scared. I've tried to trace the fear to its origin--what is it I'm afraid of, exactly?
I guess I'm having flash backs to a year ago, when I was 2 weeks away from resigning and going back to school. I was at the same stage; beginning to pack and make lists.
I'm afraid I am still too tired or weak to do this.
I'm afraid I've forgotten everything and I won't be able to keep up with the lessons.
I'm afraid I've forgotten how to write a paper, study for tests, etc.
I'm afraid of being in a big city by myself again, though, this time, I have to say, I am not going as a complete stranger, but there are many dear friends there whom I am looking forward to seeing again, hugging and thanking them for all their support this last year. I know that if I had an emergency, someone would be there for me.
I'm nervous about taking this tamoxifen.
I'm afraid my elderly pooch will kick off while I'm in New York.
But, I'm hopeful, too--I think about shrinking back from this challenge, and I think "no way, I can't do that." My mind is programmed to rise to challenges, no matter how hard and insurmoutable they seem. I'm going to do this, damnit.
Back to student mode. It will be a welcome change to "cancer patient" mode.
I've been writing about the cancer on my tumblr blog, I guess I didn't want to mingle the two worlds, cancer and my normal life.
I'm now less than 10 days away from returning to school. I can't lie and say I'm not scared. I've tried to trace the fear to its origin--what is it I'm afraid of, exactly?
I guess I'm having flash backs to a year ago, when I was 2 weeks away from resigning and going back to school. I was at the same stage; beginning to pack and make lists.
I'm afraid I am still too tired or weak to do this.
I'm afraid I've forgotten everything and I won't be able to keep up with the lessons.
I'm afraid I've forgotten how to write a paper, study for tests, etc.
I'm afraid of being in a big city by myself again, though, this time, I have to say, I am not going as a complete stranger, but there are many dear friends there whom I am looking forward to seeing again, hugging and thanking them for all their support this last year. I know that if I had an emergency, someone would be there for me.
I'm nervous about taking this tamoxifen.
I'm afraid my elderly pooch will kick off while I'm in New York.
But, I'm hopeful, too--I think about shrinking back from this challenge, and I think "no way, I can't do that." My mind is programmed to rise to challenges, no matter how hard and insurmoutable they seem. I'm going to do this, damnit.
Back to student mode. It will be a welcome change to "cancer patient" mode.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
what wreched luck
I've been blogging about the cancer on my tumbler blog--for friends to read what the updates are, and I'm just overwhealmed at the reality of all this.
I've been cleaning the house, and sorting through boxes of things in the garage in an effort to clean. I've been fixing up my fixie and plan to ride the thing at least on the trainer it's sitting on for now, until I can rehab after the surgery.
There are times I think, and I think it's funny, because my mom used to say the same thing..."I feel so well, I think they made a mistake...I feel fine."
That's just what she used to say.
I've been depriving myself of nothing; I have pizza and beer if that's what I feel like having, and pounds be damned. I've never been one to deprive myself, but I do have a sense of timing when it comes to things...I don't usually eat out so often, and I avoid making huge purchases when I already owe a lot of money, etc.
So, I was online looking for a mattress topper, and ended up seeing these nice LCD tvs, and well...we needed one. So G ended up buying the TV, and I bought us a new mattress topper, mattress topper cover, sheets, and a few DVDs.
I have a feeling that after this is said and done, I won't want to go back to work, go back to school, go back to anything--I might want to sell it all and just enjoy what time I have and roam around the world with George.
I want to take him to Scotland, he'd love it there, and Indonesia...that was such a nice trip, and who knows where else I want to go...
There's so many things I want to do yet with my life. I wonder how much more of it there is.
I've been cleaning the house, and sorting through boxes of things in the garage in an effort to clean. I've been fixing up my fixie and plan to ride the thing at least on the trainer it's sitting on for now, until I can rehab after the surgery.
There are times I think, and I think it's funny, because my mom used to say the same thing..."I feel so well, I think they made a mistake...I feel fine."
That's just what she used to say.
I've been depriving myself of nothing; I have pizza and beer if that's what I feel like having, and pounds be damned. I've never been one to deprive myself, but I do have a sense of timing when it comes to things...I don't usually eat out so often, and I avoid making huge purchases when I already owe a lot of money, etc.
So, I was online looking for a mattress topper, and ended up seeing these nice LCD tvs, and well...we needed one. So G ended up buying the TV, and I bought us a new mattress topper, mattress topper cover, sheets, and a few DVDs.
I have a feeling that after this is said and done, I won't want to go back to work, go back to school, go back to anything--I might want to sell it all and just enjoy what time I have and roam around the world with George.
I want to take him to Scotland, he'd love it there, and Indonesia...that was such a nice trip, and who knows where else I want to go...
There's so many things I want to do yet with my life. I wonder how much more of it there is.
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